simulation 002; voice

[i_run_you_chase]

[Private to Miss Parker]

[it is 3:18 am]

[Jarod will be holding up his walkman with the recorded sound of a phone ringing to the communicator]

Comments

[yourunichase]

[Parker's voice was getting loud and it was getting angry and more than anything she wished she had her god damn sunglasses on.]

And look where that got him, Jarod! Look where it got those people who were involved with the investigation!

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

And you're going to let yourself die in order to make up for something that---

[he stops, because he can't tell her what he knows]

[Jarod tries again, a little more calmly] You deserve to live. If you ask the Admiral for enough time for you to get from the car to the hospital, you could live.

[yourunichase]

God damn it, Jarod, I've died all right? Let it fucking go. It's been a goddamn year, get over it already.

I'd live and what? Go back to Lyle and Raines? Go back to deal with all of that?

Whether you agree with it or not, Jarod, I made my choices and I made my fucking mistakes. I knew what the Centre was when I made my deal to get out.

Tommy... [Parker's voice broke and she turned away. She didn't want to cry in front of him.] He deserved better than that. He deserved better than a Centre bullet in his brain because of me.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

Live and start over. Live and be the person you've wanted to be. You can find out why your mother died, you can stay away from the Centre.

Thomas loved you. He would want you to live over him. He would never have blamed you for what happened.

[Jarod points to his own temple and adds, softly] If anyone knows, it's me.

[yourunichase]

Don't talk about him, Jarod. You didn't meet him, you didn't know him. Thomas was a good man. He was the one thing in my life separate from all of this. [She gestured between them, because there was this, and then there was the Centre and Thomas was separate from all of that. She had wanted that normal life so much... But she couldn't.]

You know my father would never let that happen, Jarod.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[after 1.34 seconds worth of thought, he decides not to push it with Thomas again. Especially when he didn't really come here to antagonize her]

So you'd rather be dead than run from your father?

[yourunichase]

Why do you care so much about this, Jarod? They'll still put someone else on your tail even if it's not me. It doesn't mean you wouldn't not need to run anymore. All it means is that you wouldn't know me.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

It isn't about me, Miss Parker. It's about you.

The world is a better place with you in it. [he says this with incredible sincerity, and then nods to her]

Is that drink still available?

[yourunichase]

Oh go to hell. [She said quickly, but without any real heat too it. She stalked over to the bottle of scotch that McCoy had given her and she poured him a glass quickly, offering it to him before she walked back over and sat on her bed.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[Jarod has absolutely no interest in the alcohol, though he does raise the glass to his lips and takes a quick, small sip. If nothing else, the action is more for Miss Parker's benefit. The companionship of drinking with someone.]

Do you want to know what I think? About the reason you're an inmate here.

[yourunichase]

I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

I don't have to. I can always leave.

[yourunichase]

[Parker sighed and rolled her eyes.] Oh for fuck's sake, just tell me your theory.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

You feel guilty for all of these things that've happened in your life. Guilty for things like Thomas's murder. Your mother's death. Even now, me being captured by the Centre. They're not your fault.

[he takes a step towards her] You need to forgive yourself.

[yourunichase]

Oh please. I don't need to forgive myself. I didn't have control over most of those things and Tommy's death happened after I had been here. I was here and then I was sent home and then there was that year and I came back after I was shot.

And Tommy is my fault. I knew what would happen, Jarod. I knew and I was too stupid to stop it.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[he looks a little disbelieving at her assessment]

So why do you think you're here?

[yourunichase]

Because this is a giant fucking cosmic joke. The one person who I thought for sure would think I deserved to be here doesn't think I should.

What the hell?

[She laughed a miserable-sounding tone and she took a drink of the glass that she had been rolling around between her hands.]

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[She laughs and Jarod looks down to his drink and sighs, then steps over and puts it on her side table]

I should go, I'm clearly not helping.

[yourunichase]

So how do you see this going, Jarod? Do you see me being redeemed and riding off into the goddamn sunset?

[She didn't look up from her drink, and her voice was soft, it was soft in tone and it was soft in volume.]

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[He stops from his retreat, but doesn't turn around. His voice is equally soft.]

I want you back in the world you belong in, Miss Parker.

But if I have to decide to change my bargain to saving your life, or finding my family...

[yourunichase]

Don't, Jarod. Don't even think of trading me for your family. I'll find you and shoot you anyway.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[He looks back at her, and he gives her a sad smile]

I got used to saving people who wouldn't save themselves.

[and he turns back and takes another step towards the door]

[yourunichase]

Christ you are a fucking idiot.

[Parker got up quickly and she grabbed him, pulling her towards herself before she shoved him away.]

That's not what this is about. I don't want to go back and deal with all of the horrible shit that I need to do in order to do my job to get out.

[i-run-you-chase.livejournal.com]

[Jarod goes with the shove, not bothering to fight back, only just to balance and keep himself from falling over or into something in the room]

So you'd rather stay dead. Stay in a place you think is like hell because you don't want to deal with it.

[yourunichase]

Go to hell, Jarod. [Parker spat the words at him quickly, and she just took a step back.]